Leave me alone! I like being Blind, ok?

I have the day off so I take my cup of coffee and my book out to the deck to enjoy the morning. It's 72 degrees, partly cloudy and a great morning to relax on the deck. This is something very rare and precious to me. Great laziness overcomes me and I lay my book aside, adjust the deck chair to the recline position, lay back and close my eyes.

What a joy to hear the sounds that surround me; lawns being mowed, the birds are chirping away and the dog is in the deck chair beside me enjoying the day. I smell the broasted chicken being cooked at the deli of the store just a few houses away and my mouth is watering. Wind begins to blow through the leaves and it's like music to my ears. Relaxation is about to totally overcome me and the pondering begins.

Blindness. What a terrible handicap. As I lie here identifying all the things I hear, I can also see it in my mind. What if I had never seen a lawn being mowed, would I recognize the sound? If I'd never ate broasted chicken from the deli, would I recognize the smell; would my mouth water at the thought of it? No. Someone would have to describe them as best they could so that I would know what they were. Better yet, I'd have to experience them myself to get the fullest understanding so I'd recognize them the next time.

Over the years my eyesight has deteriorated. I've had to purchase eyeglasses with progressive lenses to see more clearly. I really don't like glasses. However the alternative is not acceptable either. Sometimes I'll delay putting on my glasses for a while. It's fine while I am working around the house. But when I try to look across the street or I have to drive to the store, the glasses have to be put on in order to see more clearly and eliminate the distortion. As much as I hate them, they are essential to my ability to see more than a few feet around me.

My heart asks me a question....what about spiritual blindness? As I think of this question I am struck by the thoughts that rush through me. Do I see the things I should? Can I identify the sounds I hear around me? Have I experienced the things that I should so I can identify them when my eyes are closed? Do I hear the wind blowing through my world? Do I hear the beautiful sounds of birds chirping and smell the things God is preparing for us? Does my mouth water in anticipation of the next service I will participate in or the next message that will be served up in my hearing? Do I need eyeglasses? If so, have I gone for that examination to see exactly what it is I need? Have I asked the right questions of the Savior so that I understand what my needs are?

Honestly, I want to balk at these thoughts. I even want to say leave me alone! I like being blind, ok? I know what to expect of myself and my environment just the way it is. I know where the furniture is and I know what's expected of me in my current environment. I have disappointments and there are things that I wish were different, but hey, I'm good! Leave me alone! At least I know what to expect, right? Some things will never change. Acceptance is my friend, right? Better to just leave things alone as they are. Like I said, I like being blind!

But there are two songs that just play over and over in my mind and I can't get block them out. Open the Eyes of my Heart and If We are the Body. As I let myself hear these songs clearly in my mind, my throat is constricting with the unspoken longing from deep inside. I know that if I give into this and talk to the Master optometrist of the soul, I'll have to submit to the examination of my eyes and he'll examine my heart and point out the things that I need to work on.

What will it cost me to remain as I am? Who will be impacted by my blindness? Why am I even questioning these things? There are two spirits raging inside me. Which one will win?

Someone once said, the winner is the one you feed.....................pondering continues...............